Release Date: May 1985
Directed by: Greydon Clark
Written by: Greydon Clark
Music by: David Bell
Cast: Joe Don Baker, Rossano Brazzi, Venantino Venantini, Patrizia Pellegrino, Bill McKinney, Helena Dalli, Lino Grech, Tony Ellul
Arista Films, 90 Minutes
This is one of those films that I actually saw before it appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000. However, it is so awful that I didn’t enjoy the experience until it got the professional riffing treatment.
I remember my Uncle renting this one weekend in 1986 or so. He had a love for shitty action films but even he couldn’t stomach this lumpy puddle of dung.
Final Justice stars Joe Don Baker, who also starred in the more famously MST3K riffed Mitchell. That film, or that MST3K episode, is better known because it was the last one to feature Joel Hodgson as host. Being that Joe Don Baker was the star of that episode’s film, makes a second Joe Don Baker episode a natural choice.
In this movie, Joe Don Baker is a Texas sheriff that travels to Malta to hunt down a criminal. He acts super Texas-like and pisses off the local police, the local people and pretty much anyone that doesn’t appreciate a big Texan sausage waving its badge around like it owns a small Italian island. It’s hard taking a good ol’ boy seriously when he looks down his good ol’ nose at the Maltese people, their beautiful island and their culture.
Shoot first, ask questions later – if he even feels like it, is the big Texan’s philosophy. Hell, he barely pays attention to his hot Maltese guide because he’s trying to wave his gun around while delivering Texas justice to Malta.
And the worst part of it all, is his stupid good ol’ boy sheriff jacket.
Oh yeah, his character’s name is actually Sheriff Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Who the hell comes up with this stuff?
There is one good thing in this film and that is Malta. It is truly a beautiful place and the architecture and landscapes are breathtaking. However, the cinematography is terrible and it doesn’t do Malta any favors. Also, the film benefits just because it was filmed there. The amazing locations have nothing to do with this worthless picture. In fact, it’s a slap in the face to Malta that it was featured in such a piece of crap that boasts grade school level filmmaking prowess.
Final Justice is an unwatchable turd. It is boring and deplorable. It also promotes the idea that the world is America’s to step on because Texans, big hats, cowboy boots, six shooters and beer bellies trump everything else, boy!