Film Review: Stryker (1983)

Release Date: September 2nd, 1983
Directed by: Cirio H. Santiago
Written by: Howard R. Cohen, Leonard Hermes
Music by: Ed Gatchalian
Cast: Steve Sandor, Andrea Savio, William Ostrander

HCI International, 84 Minutes

Review:

Out of all the Mad Max ripoffs that I have ever seen, Stryker has to be the absolute worst. Not only that, it doesn’t get anything right. For instance, people aren’t killing each other for oil, they’re killing each other for water. While that was a plot that came later in the 2015 Mad Max film, the makers of Stryker didn’t know that and made a ripoff that tried to be clever but really wasn’t. And I guess that water is more important than oil but if you don’t have oil to get your dehydrating ass to some water, you’re gonna wish you had some damn oil… just sayin’.

Stryker doesn’t suck. It is worse than suck. It is boring as all hell and it is an ugly picture to look at. It’s like staring at a jar of colorful sand art except there’s only one color of sand and little Johnny dropped his Hot Wheels cars in it.

The film stars no one, except for a guy who was in Fire & Ice, also from 1983. His name is Steve Sandor and the poster makes him look a lot cooler than he is.

The stunts were poorly executed, the car stuff was nothing like a George Miller classic and the costumes were completely ripped off from the Mad Max films but in a way that makes you go, “What the hell are you supposed to be?” And then the person replies, “Someone from Mad Max!” And then you go, “Oh, okay… I guess I can see that.” And then you turn, walk away and roll your eyes.

Stryker is awful. I hate that I watched it. I don’t even want to run it through the Cinespiria Shitometer for fear that this giant turd will clog up the machine. So I’m just going to guesstimate the results. This is a Type X stool… a totally new type of stool not even on the charts! Type X is defined as “A mixture of blood and deceased tapeworm.”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s