Film Review: The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)

Release Date: October 24th, 1975
Directed by: Bill Rebane
Written by: Robert Easton, Richard L. Huff
Music by: Bill Rebane
Cast: Steve Brodie, Robert Easton, Barbara Hale, Alan Hale Jr., Leslie Parrish, Bill Williams, Christiane Schmidtmer

Group 1 International, 84 Minutes

Review:

Who doesn’t want to see the Skipper from Gilligan’s Island battle a giant spider? Okay, that is probably a scenario that no one ever imagined but that is exactly what you get with The Giant Spider Invasion.

To be honest and blunt, this film is absolutely atrocious. It is mind-numbingly horrendous. There is nothing about it that makes it even a worthwhile experience in any regard.

Well, okay… it is featured on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, which at the very least, makes it watchable. Also, it does feature the Skipper himself, Alan Hale Jr. Plus, the effects are so damn bad that they have to be seen to be believed and they are the type of bad that can be truly admired.

The giant spider literally looks like a Halloween parade float with big fuzzy arms that aimlessly wobble as it moves. There is no real controlled articulation of the monster, at least none that I can tell. When it reaches into houses to grab scantily clad women, its legs look like the trunk of Sesame Street‘s Mr. Snuffleupagus, which the crew of MST3K pointed out.

The effects of the spider-carrying asteroid hitting Earth are laughably bad. It looks like the world’s shortest but most explosive LSD trip. Then it is over and you’re still left with an awful movie.

Bad acting, bad direction, bad cinematography, bad dialogue, bad creature effects, bad asteroid effects; really just a pile of arachno-pooh.

The Giant Spider Invasion is a truly dreadful motion picture.

I have no choice but to run it through the Cinespiria Shitometer. And now that I have, the results show that it is a “Type 4 Stool: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.” Maybe it’s smooth and soft because of those fluffy Snuffleupagus spider legs.

 

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