Film Review: Ninja Terminator (1986)

Release Date: January, 1986 (West Germany)
Directed by: Godfrey Ho
Written by: Godfrey Ho, Warren See
Music by: Stephen Tsang
Cast: Richard Harrison, Phillip Ko

IFD Films and Arts Limited, 88 Minutes

Review:

“The ninja empire is evil! I have to reform the ninja empire! That is why I took away the Golden Ninja Warrior!” – Ninja Master Harry

Some movies are so bad that they are terrific. I can’t honestly give this film a good score, due to how awful it is as a piece of cinematic art, but I can’t just dismiss it as shit because it captures a sort of magic with its dreadfulness and the giant iron clad testicles it proudly wears like Mr. T wearing his massive gold chains.

Ninja Terminator is everything I wanted in a ninja movie before I even realized what that was. It is full of low budget ’80s cheese, badass ’80s violence, stylish ’80s ninjas, rockin’ ’80s tunes and a nonsensical ’80s action movie plot that no one really cares about.

It is about these three ninjas and how they are in pursuit of this artifact. The film involves a lot of fighting with choreography that is two parts confusing and three parts balls out, high octane, muthafuckin’ ninja action!

The acting isn’t good, the story isn’t important and really, this is just about ninja showdowns and ninjas running around looking cool as hell. For those who are aware of the old school website Real Ultimate Power, this movie is the epitome of everything that website is about.

Many people will dismiss this as a film that truly sucks. I understand why. Those people are terrified of reckless ninjas messing shit up for no other reason than because the world loves ninja mayhem.

This film is a clusterfuck of biblical proportions. However, it is a clusterfuck of biblical proportions with ninjas in it. Therefore, I rest my case.

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