Video Game Review: BioShock Infinite (PlayStation 3)

*I played the PlayStation 3 version. The game is also available on Xbox 360, Windows and OS X.

*Written in 2014.

Almost all of what I have read and heard about BioShock Infinite has been overwhelmingly positive. In fact, by many it was considered hands down the game of the year in 2013. It was said to be a sequel that exceeded the greatness of the previous titles within its own franchise. People raved about the story, the graphics, the game play. All the hype and hoopla had me thinking that this was a very rare piece of perfection just waiting for me to pick it up and be enchanted by its very existence. Well… I f’n hated it.

I don’t know where to begin other than to say that this game was a mixture of two things, tedious chaos and excruciating boredom. Let me explain.

In regards to it being tedious chaos, when it wasn’t boring, it was just a redundant exercise in blasting waves upon waves of almost seemingly endless enemies. Some battles felt like they went on for days and frankly, I had to wonder what percentage of the town’s population in the game were armed officers of the law, as the in-game ratio of citizens to people shooting at you was about 10,000-to-1. And if they weren’t baddies on one side, they were baddies on the other side, as their was a revolution going on in the game. Differentiating between big brother fascists and revolutionary fascists was pointless and annoying. I just shot everyone, even the chick I was supposed to be protecting because she always happened to get in my way. I guess it is good that bullets seemingly just go through her like magic.

The truth is, this tedious bullshit also got boring. It was as if I was just doing the same bullshit over and over again and ultimately, I kept checking walkthroughs online. Not because I needed help but because I wanted to see how much longer I had to play this goddamned game.

The excruciating boredom came from the fact that often times, like the first two hours of the game, you are just walking around checking out the city. Also, there are just way too many items and things you can pick up throughout the game that you spend about two-thirds of your time searching desks and picking locks to discover more rooms with desks. I like treasure hunts but this just takes that shit too damn far.

As far as the story goes, people have talked it up like it is some amazing tale with a fantastic and mind-blowing ending. These people must spend most of their time taking drugs, drinking shit beer and ingesting monosodium glutamate. It wasn’t even engaging enough to make me want to finish the game. The twist at the end was bullshit and I really didn’t give a crap. The way it ties to the previous BioShock games just seemed like a weak cop out.

This game really just magnified everything that I hate about modern first-person shooters. And I loved the first two BioShock games. The level of sucktitude that this game exudes is painful to me. Well, at least from the rumors I hear, the next game will go back underwater. This Cloud City bullshit is for the birds… literally.

Rating: 4.5/10
Pairs well with: BioShock and BioShock 2 but they are infinitely better, pun intended.

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