Top 25 Console Video Games of All-Time

*Written in 2011.

For the record, I am only selecting one title per series, otherwise there’d be a lot of dominance from a few franchises. And chances are, I forgot something while in my drunken stupor.

1. The Legend of Zelda (NES)
2. Final Fantasy VII (PS1)
3. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (PS2)
4. Red Dead Redemption (PS3)
5. Uncharted 3 (PS3)
6. Mario 64 (N64)
7. Metroid (NES)
8. Fallout 3 (PS3)
9. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (XBOX)
10. Twisted Metal 2 (PS1)
11. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PS1)
12. Goldeneye (N64)
13. Bioshock 2 (PS3)
14. Rygar (NES)
15. Spider-Man Vs. The Kingpin (GEN)
16. Killing Time (3DO)
17. Kingdom Hearts II (PS2)
18. Batman: Arkham City (PS3)
19. Silent Hill 2: Shattered Dreams (XBOX)
20. Double Dragon (NES)
21. Megaman 10 (PSN)
22. Just Cause 2 (PS3)
23. Dragon Warrior (NES)
24. Gun (XBOX)
25. Wolfenstein (PS3)

Ranking the Films of Tim Burton

Tim Burton was one of my favorite directors in the ’80s and into the ’90s. Things went downhill once we got to the ’00s but there were still some gems after the turn of the new millennium.

He was the first director to really tackle Batman and he gave us beloved characters like Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice. His style is unique and all its own, even if it has become a caricature of itself and a hindrance in recent years.

Here are all the films he directed, ranked. The Nightmare Before Christmas isn’t here because although he created it, he didn’t direct it.

1. Ed Wood
2. Edward Scissorhands
3. Batman
4. Sleepy Hollow
5. Beetlejuice
6. Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
7. Batman Returns
8. Mars Attacks!
9. Big Eyes
10. Corpse Bride
11. Big Fish
12. Frankenweenie (animated)
13. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
14. Planet of the Apes
15. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
16. Dark Shadows
17. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
18. Alice In Wonderland

Ranking the Films of Francis Ford Coppola

*Written in 2014.

It has been a while since I’ve ranked a director’s films. In this edition, I tackle Francis Ford Coppola.

Coppola is a man that has made some of the best films of all-time, given birth to another accomplished filmmaker and created some fine tasting wines. He was also good friends with George Lucas and Steven Spielberg and all three helped launch each other’s careers.

Here I rank the films that Francis Ford Coppola directed:

1. Apocalypse Now
2. The Godfather, Part II
3. The Godfather
4. The Outsiders
5. Bram Stoker’s Dracula
6. Rumble Fish
7. The Rain People
8. The Conversation
9. Gardens of Stone
10. The Cotton Club
11. The Rainmaker
12. Dementia 13
13. Tetro
14. Jack
15. Tucker: The Man and His Dream
16. The Godfather, Part III
17. Youth Without Youth
18. New York Stories
19. Peggy Sue Got Married
20. Twixt
21. You’re A Big Boy Now
22. Finian’s Rainbow
23. One From the Heart
24. The Bellboy and the Playgirls
25. Tonight for Sure

Ranking the Films of David Cronenberg

*Written in 2014.

David Cronenberg is an insanely visual director who has a penchant for body horror. Since the first time I saw The Fly remake in the ’80s, I was hooked on Cronenberg’s style, as disturbing as it seemed to my little kid mind at the time. Here I have ranked his full-length feature films:

1. Videodrome
2. The Fly
3. Naked Lunch
4. Eastern Promises
5. Scanners
6. A History of Violence
7. The Brood
8. A Dangerous Method
9. Crash
10. The Dead Zone
11. Maps to the Stars
12. Dead Ringers
13. Spider
14. M. Butterfly
15. They Came From Within (also known as Shivers)
16. Rabid
17. Fast Company
18. Cosmopolis
19. eXistenZ
20. Crimes of the Future
21. Stereo

Ranking the Films of Jim Jarmusch

Jim Jarmusch is one of those directors I think that you either love, hate or are unsure about but appreciate the uniqueness of his work.

I really first discovered him with one of his Coffee & Cigarettes shorts that I saw when I was a teen. Then I saw Dead Man and shortly after that, Ghost Dog. That’s when I discovered that these interesting things were all created by the same guy. Since that point, I’ve been a fan.

I don’t always like all of his films but they all are effective, as far as provoking thoughts and ideas and showing life in a way that it might not have been shown before. That is what makes a director successful, in my book. It isn’t about how much shit you can blow up and how many Disney films you can get on your resume, it is whether or not you left some sort of long-lasting impact on the viewer. Jarmusch more than delivers in that regard.

Also, he was a part of the New York punk scene in the late ’70s and early ’80s and got to spend time around people like Warhol, Basquiat, the New York Dolls, Richard Hell, Iggy Pop, Blondie, Fab 5 Freddy and a bunch of others.

Plus he directed Wu-Tang Clan and Bill Murray in the same scene. I mean, dude… what’s cooler than that?

1. Dead Man
2. Down by Law
3. Night On Earth
4. Stranger Than Paradise
5. Mystery Train
6. Coffee and Cigarettes
7. Broken Flowers
8. Only Lovers Left Alive
9. Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
10. Permanent Vacation
11. The Limits of Control
12. Year of the Horse (documentary)

Ranking the Films of John Carpenter

John Carpenter is a legend. Out of all the big name horror directors that existed when I was a kid, he was the one that legitimately made things that terrified me. He also made films that were mesmerizing and totally expanded my mind and what I thought about filmmaking.

1.  The Thing
2. Escape From New York
3. They Live
4. Starman
5. Big Trouble In Little China
6. Prince of Darkness
7. In the Mouth of Madness
8. Halloween
9. Assault on Precinct 13
10. The Fog
11. Dark Star
12. Christine
13. The Ward
14. Escape From L.A.
15. Vampires
16. Memoirs of An Invisible Man
17. Ghosts of Mars
18. Village of the Damned

Ranking Every Episode of the Marvel/Sunbow Era of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

I once ranked every episode of Batman: The Animated Series. So I figured that I would rank every single episode of the Marvel/Sunbow era of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, as I just re-watched it in its entirety.

In this list I am including just the first two seasons of G.I. Joe and the miniseries put out by Marvel/Sunbow, as the show changed drastically and severely dipped in quality when DiC took over as the new production house for seasons three and four.

I will list these by episode name with the season number and episode number for reference. If a story is a multi-part episode, I list it as one body of work.

If you disagree or are puzzled with my picks, feel free to discuss in the comments.

1. “There’s No Place Like Springfield” (Season 1, Episodes 54-55)
2. “The Pyramid of Darkness” (Season 1, Episodes 1-5)
3. “Skeletons In the Closet” (Season 1, Episode 53)
4. “Sins of Our Fathers” (Season 2, Episode 28)
5. “The Gods Below” (Season 1, Episode 41)
6. “The Viper is Coming” (Season 1, Episode 29)
7. “Worlds Without End” (Season 1, Episodes 36-37)
8. “The Revenge of Cobra (miniseries)” (1984 – 5 parts)
9. “Flint’s Vacation” (Season 1, Episode 43)
10. “Excalibur” (Season 1, Episode 35)
11. “The Great Alaskan Land Rush” (Season 1, Episode 52)
12. “The Synthoid Conspiracy” (Season 1, Episodes 16-17)
13. “The Gamesmaster” (Season 1, Episode 26)
14. “Nightmare Assault” (Season 2, Episode 24)
15. “Pit of Vipers” (Season 1, Episode 48)
16. “Hearts and Cannons” (Season 1, Episode 44)
17. “Cold Slither” (Season 1, Episode 51)
18. “Computer Complications” (Season 2, Episode 7)
19. “Arise, Serpentor, Arise!” (Season 2, Episodes 1-5)
20. “The Traitor” (Season 1, Episodes 46-47)
21. “Not a Ghost of a Chance” (Season 2, Episode 27)
22. “Memories of Mara” (Season 1, Episode 45)
23. “An Eye for an Eye” (Season 1, Episode 40)
24. “Joe’s Night Out” (Season 2, Episode 26)
25. “A Real American Hero (miniseries)” (1983 – 5 parts)
26. “The Most Dangerous Thing in the World” (Season 2, Episode 23)
27. “Haul Down the Heavens” (Season 1, Episode 15)
28. “Cobra Soundwaves” (Season 1, Episode 24)
29. “Iceberg Goes South” (Season 2, Episode 15)
30. “Jungle Trap” (Season 1, Episode 10)
31. “Ninja Holiday” (Season 2, Episode 21)
32. “Red Rocket’s Glare” (Season 1, Episode 7)
33. “Cobra Quake” (Season 1, Episode 31)
34. “The Invaders” (Season 1, Episode 50)
35. “The Funhouse” (Season 1, Episode 12)
36. “In the Presence of Mine Enemies” (Season 2, Episode 29)
37. “Battle for the Train of Gold” (Season 1, Episode 23)
38. “Last Hour to Doomsday” (Season 2, Episode 6)
39. “Where the Reptiles Roam” (Season 1, Episode 25)
40. “Into Your Tent I Will Silently Creep” (Season 2, Episode 30)
41. “Sink the Montana” (Season 2, Episode 8)
42. “Bazooka Saw a Sea Serpent” (Season 1, Episode 34)
43. “Primordial Plot” (Season 1, Episode 42)
44. “Second Hand Emotions” (Season 2, Episode 25)
45. “Lasers in the Night” (Season 1, Episode 27)
46. “Once Upon a Joe” (Season 2, Episode 10)
47. “Cobra’s Creatures” (Season 1, Episode 11)
48. “G.I. Joe and the Golden Fleece” (Season 2, Episode 22)
49. “Countdown for Zartan” (Season 1, Episode 6)
50. “The Wrong Stuff” (Season 1, Episode 49)
51. “Lights! Camera! Cobra!” (Season 1, Episode 19)
52. “Cobra Claws Are Coming to Town” (Season 1, Episode 39)
53. “Captives of Cobra” (Season 1, Episodes 32-33)
54. “Raise the Flagg!” (Season 2, Episode 20)
55. “The Germ” (Season 1, Episode 28)
56. “Spell of the Siren” (Season 1, Episode 30)
57. “Twenty Questions” (Season 1, Episode 13)
58. “The Phantom Brigade” (Season 1, Episode 18)
59. “Operation: Mind Menace” (Season 1, Episode 22)
60. “Cobrathon” (Season 2, Episode 12)
61. “My Favorite Things” (Season 2, Episode 19)
62. “Eau de Cobra” (Season 1, Episode 38)
63. “Let’s Play Soldier” (Season 2, Episode 9)
64. “Money to Burn” (Season 1, Episode 21)
65. “Cobra Stops the World” (Season 1, Episode 9)
66. “Glamour Girls” (Season 2, Episode 14)
67. “The Spy Who Rooked Me” (Season 2, Episode 16)
68. “My Brother’s Keeper” (Season 2, Episode 18)
69. “The Rotten Egg” (Season 2, Episode 13)
70. “Grey Hairs and Growing Pains” (Season 2, Episode 17)
71. “The Million Dollar Medic” (Season 2, Episode 11)
72. “Cobra’s Candidate” (Season 1, Episode 20)
73. “Satellite Down” (Season 1, Episode 8)
74. “The Greenhouse Effect” (Season 1, Episode 14)